Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation introduces vaccine against Affluenza

SEATTLE, Washington – Following recent outrage over a 16-year drunk driver who got convicted to only some rehabilitation after killing two and wounding several other people, because he suffered from “affluenza” (the disease of being insanely rich), a spokesperson of the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation has announced that they have successfully developed a vaccine against this severe illness. It has been on the Foundation’s agenda for a while, as they have become increasingly aware that affluenza, more than HIV or malaria, could threaten the post-colonial pecking order and substantially harm the wealth of the 1%.

In his annual address for 2014, Mr. Gates writes “We will also need to solve the problems that come with affluence, like higher rates of diabetes.”

Distribution of the vaccine will start in sub-Saharan Africa with a pilot project in Mozambique announced for May 2014.

When asked about the pharmaceutical details of the new vaccine, the Foundation’s spokesperson showed some reluctance. The main active ingredient, Neavaratia Vulgara, is a substance that  inhibits the brain’s reward system for greedy behaviour, thus preventing the “insane concentration of wealth” in developing countries that prevents broad economic development and improvement in terms of the development indicators as defined by the UN.

Mr. Gates is very optimistic about the introduction of this vaccine, and commented last week that “preventing an pandemic of affluenza is one of the most urgent tasks in public health affairs today, more so than the ongoing efforts against HIV, malaria, and traditional farmer’s independence.”